It's at least a start

So here I am. It's 10:30 pm and I get an idea to log back in here to post after 3 years of not. Upon viewing the last post I did back in 2011, I saw a pending post titled "HUGE UPDATE". I remember as I sat at the computer a few years ago trying to write what had happened over the past few weeks and feeling like it was a waste of my time. We just had welcomed our sweet baby Natalie and celebrated Emma's birthday and Christmas. Tonight I sat here scrolling through the dozens of pictures I had not finished updating. The memories of what happened in those pictures to the ones I currently have is difficult to think about. I couldn't bring myself to edit that post at all and finish what I set out to do back then. Instead, I posted it tonight 3 years later, incomplete (that's how I feel, incomplete but that's an entirely different post or two or several I could write on that). My current plans are not to fill in our journey of the past chronologically like I used to. This blog's purpose was to fill in our friends and family on what we were doing in a more descriptive way.  Recently we have been seeing a grief counselor who suggested writing as therapy for us. Because of that advice she gave us I am here writing again.  This is a very scary task for me to think about let alone actually do. I mean writing things down make them real! The fear for me is so intense I make myself sick thinking about what I should write. I can't bring myself to include pictures yet either. My posts may seem very boring and simple but I am just making baby steps and that's all I can do for now.